Fear, The Invisible Force Holding You Back

Fear has a funny way of showing up just when life is asking more of us.

It whispers when you think about applying for that new job. It tightens its grip when you consider leaving a relationship that no longer serves you. It gets loud when you imagine starting over—whether that’s a new business, a new city, or a completely new chapter.

And more often than not, fear wins.

But why?

At its core, fear isn’t the enemy. It’s protection.

Fear is designed to keep you safe. Safe from failure. Safe from rejection. Safe from judgment. If you stay in your bubble—your comfort zone—there’s no risk of being criticized, misunderstood, or getting it wrong. There’s familiarity. Predictability. Control.

And that feels… reassuring.

But here’s the truth we don’t always want to face: That same bubble that protects you is also the thing that confines you. Because inside that space, yes—you are safe. But you are also stuck.

Fear convinces you that staying where you are is better than risking what could be. It tells you that what you have now—even if it’s unfulfilling, frustrating, or even painful—is better than the uncertainty of change. So you stay. In the job that drains you. In the relationship that diminishes you. In the version of your life that you’ve outgrown.

Not because you want to… but because fear has made the alternative feel too risky.

As Brené Brown says, “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”

But how many of us are actually doing that? How many of us are hiding… in plain sight?

I know I was. I wasn’t the kid who raised her hand in class—even when I knew the answer. I stayed in the background, choosing roles behind the stage rather than stepping into the spotlight. When people came over, I disappeared to my room. Staying unseen felt safer than risking being noticed. And that followed me for a long time. College was the first time something shifted. For the first time, I had a blank slate. No one knew my story. No one knew I had been in foster care. No one knew about the abuse, the eating disorder, or what it felt like to be figuring out life largely on my own.

I could be anyone I wanted.

At first, that felt like freedom. But what I didn’t expect… was what would happen when I started to let my guard down. I found community.

I joined a sorority. I started playing sports—and realized I was actually pretty good. I joined a dance team and leaned into something I had always quietly known: I had rhythm.

But more importantly, I let myself be seen. Not all at once. Not perfectly. But little by little, I showed up. In doing so, I built friendships that are still, to this day, some of the most meaningful relationships in my life.

It turns out, when we stop hiding, we don’t just risk being judged…We create the possibility of being known. Of being accepted. Of being loved.

What if I had stayed that wallflower? What if I had kept my head down… stayed in my room… chosen “comfortable” every single time? What if I had focused only on school, on my work-study job, on doing what was expected of me (and to be clear, no one put those expectations on me, except me...) —without ever really putting myself out there?

It would have been the safer choice, for sure! But it also would have cost me more than I can fully put into words. I would have missed out on some of the most fun I’ve ever had in my life! The laughter. The late nights (Pizza Palace breadsticks at midnight...o.m.gee), the sense of belonging. The moments where I felt truly alive and fully, unconditionally, unapologetically me.

I would have missed out on discovering parts of me I didn’t even know existed—confidence (HUGE), connection, joy and love - genuine love that comes from trust. And maybe most importantly…I would have missed out on becoming who I am today.

What you gain on the other side of whatever you're afraid of can change everything. Steven Pressfield (The Art of War) writes, “Our job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who we are already and to become it.”

Fear will always try to convince you to stay where you are. To stay quiet.To stay small.To stay comfortable. But who you are—your truest, fullest, most alive self—doesn’t exist inside that space.

The version of yourself you’ve been hesitant to step into is just on the other side of (fill in the blank)... see her/him/them. Become that version of you.

So maybe the question isn’t, “What if I fail?” "What if they say no?" "What if I make a fool out of myself?" Maybe the real question is: What might I miss if I don’t try? (Could you imagine what we would all be using today if Alexander Graham Bell had given up during his 10 years of experiments and his 550 legal challenges when everyone thought his telephone patent was nothing more than a toy??)

If you’re feeling stuck in your bubble—if fear has been keeping you in place longer than you’d like—this is your invitation.

To get curious! Take one small step! To start showing up as the person you already are beneath the fear.

Courage doesn’t come before action....It comes from it.

Book your first session today, and together, we will move you from fear to clarity.